Marriage was designed by God to be a glorious experience that brings mutual fulfilment spirit, soul and body. When God designed the blueprint of marriage He had it in His mind that this would be the most refreshing, empowering and rejuvenating human relationship. He designed marriage to be a source of health, peace, and joy all these are key in high performance in life.
Unfortunately marriage is on the top of satan’s hit list as he hates marriages with a passion. This is primarily because marriage represents God and His relationship with the church. Secondly because strong marriages produce strong, wholesome, well-rounded children that have a healthy self-confidence and function as visionary thought leaders. This is dangerous for his kingdom so he seeks to bring as much dysfunction as possible. Satan is using every tool available to him to cause chaos in marriages and families.
With this in mind we need to aggressively work at investing into our marriages and fortifying them with the Word of God in order to keep out the enemy.
In our latest book ‘Married and lovin it’ my wife Princisca and I address a number of key factors that need to be looked into in order to build strong healthy lasting marriages that are happy. Chapter six focuses on recovering from marital setbacks. Marital setbacks happen in different degrees to all marriages this could be in the area of finances, lose of family, friends or relatives. This could come as a result of infidelity, broken trust, sexual frustration or any other reason.
Unfortunately most couples have never been prepared for marital setbacks with regards to what to do when they do come or just the fact that they do not have to be fatal to the marriage. Knowing that you can recover from marital setbacks is a vital aspect of bouncing back stronger and better when the inevitable happens in your marriage. Being aware of this possibility creates a sense of preparedness so the negative impact of the setback will be less devastating and the recovery process begins promptly. I want to encourage you that you are not alone God is able to bring you out of the setbacks you could be facing right now.
For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. (Proverbs 24:16)
Don’t give up because you feel you have tried to fix things for so long and it’s not working. In the scripture above Solomon helps us to see that regardless of how many times you fall you can get up again and God will restore you. David is a great example he messed up so many times had many setback from family to marriage to children to his throne. What is amazing is to see David bounce back with such amazing confidence even though sometimes he goes into deep depression as seen in his psalms, afterward he would be back to himself and you hear him say I would have given up had I not expected to see the deliverance of the Lord.
What was David’s key to recovery? Well it’s simple enough one can almost miss it. He trusted God to bring him out. David had a relentless faith and confidence in Gods ability to bring him out of setbacks. You need to build your faith and confidence in God before the setback happens so that when it happens God becomes your refuge and your strength your very present help in time of need. You will be confident that He will deliver you from the noisome pestilence and from your enemies the imagine evil against you.
In marriage you need to fortify your marriage against the adverse effects of setbacks. You may not always be able to stop the setbacks but you can manage the impact they have on your mental wellbeing. Make a decision that you will not be moved. David says;
“Surely he will never be shaken; The righteous will be in everlasting remembrance. He will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is established; He will not be afraid, Until he sees his desire upon his enemies.”Psalms112:6-8NKJV
Let the Word of God be the foundation for your marriage and you will find it easy to bounce back from marital setbacks or to reduce or manage the impact of the setback on your marriage.
The last thing I want to share in this article is the principles of repentance. The biblical model of repentance is not the typical “I’m sorry process”. It is deeper and stronger than that. It is going back to the original settings. To repent means to go back to the top, it means to bring oneself under the blood of Jesus and be restored to a place of soundness. Ask God to forgive you and restore you and ask your spouse to forgive you. Being sorry is not the point here repenting is what is vital to get back into spiritual shape.
In asking for forgiveness you clear the spiritual atmosphere and get back to a place where the grace of God is actively working in your lives. Unforgiveness bitterness and malice will open the door to more trouble.
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. (James 3:16)
Demons love to hang around an environment where there is no repentance and forgiveness because this is the very nature of Satan. Make a decision to move and close all doors so Satan cannot cause more problems for you.
We have dealt with many couples that are in a date of not wanting to repent and move on, this is often characterized by a desire to relate long detailed analysis of how bad your spouse is and how they have hurt you. I understand this human side of our lives but truth be told the more your speak about how you have been hurt the more real the issue becomes to you and the more difficult it will be to resolve things.
Then of course we add statements like ‘I’ve been through so much I just need time out’ or ‘I can forgive but I cannot forget’ or ‘I really want him/her to understand how much I have been hurt’. While you may reserve your right to feel this way you need to know you have just denied yourself the right to be free, you are now a prisoner in a self imposed prison of pain and unhappiness. If you ever leave that marriage and get into another relationship you will be a prisoner walking into a new relationship carrying old baggage, your new spouse will never fully enjoy you because of what you carry so that relationship ends and you enter another and the cycle continues.
Divorce was permitted simply because of hardness of hearts not because God subscribed to the idea. In fact God hates divorce and desires for marriages to work. If you are divorced know that God loves you very much and wants your life to be happy but the is predicated on your making the decision to repent deal with the issues, be willing to forget and move on with life. In Corinthians Paul says ‘love keeps no record of wrong’ forgive your spouse forgive yourself and let God wash you and renew you and give you a new beginning even if this may mean that relationship that had a setback starts again on a brand new page. Let God work in your life. Bounce back and walk in victory.
To read more on this order our book
Married and Lovin it at www.faithlandpublisher.co.za you can also get in touch with us at www.sp101.co.za. Get some of our marriage enhancing material that will help you deal with the challenges of marriage and you can build a marriage that is glorious. You can be Married and Lovin it.
God bless you
Dr Tich Tanyanyiwa